Posts (page 2)

Reasons my kids struggle to focus on school:

JF's house got robbed over spring break and he only has two pair of uniform pants.

ME, MD, SC, LK, OT, and CA are pregnant. (MT might be too).

HM, LK, and RM have babies.

EW got kicked out of his house - again.

WB has been in court trying to get his own custody sorted out after his mom passed this summer.

HM just found out she has cervical cancer.

DD's pregnant cousin just died of sickle cell.

Someone threw a brick at CM's car - then he fought them.

Two girls went after each other with scissors.

WD had surgery on her esophagus.

RM's mom is in the hospital.

Someone that all my kids seem to have known got shot last night.

The list goes on, and I continue to be amazed that they show up at all.

It's hard to look too far ahead.

for new rules and consequences.

Yes, it's mid-march. Yes, we just got back from spring break. But that doesn't mean that it is too late to introduce a little more order into the classroom, which was getting quite ragged there before break. I have to admit that I was hanging on for dear life at the end there and the way I limped towards spring break was reminiscent of a stock car as it pulls into the pit stop after a wreck, sheet metal flapping loose, tailpipe sparking as it drags along the ground and something unkown just starting to catch fire under the hood.

But I made it to spring break, which was in fact terribly depressing, for two reasons. The first was that I realized how much I hate my job, and spent at least 5 of my nine days off in deadly terror of returning. The second was that I realized that without my job, I have absolutely no life or prospects of a life down here. That first Saturday, when return was sufficiently distant, was the best day of the break. I woke up early, got a hair cut, planted a garden (one thing you can't quite do up north yet), cooked a good dinner and watched a movie with my roomie. Even despite the fact that Babel was a big dissapointment, it was a wonderful day, and I felt very accomplished. But aside from that - nada. So I have a job I hate and fear, but if I don't fill my time with the job, I have even less purpose and feel worse.

That said, today was surprisingly un-bad. They listened, they accepted, grudgingly, the new rules and consequences, and tomorrow I'm set to start handing out writing assignments. Yet here I am, it's Monday night, still with a huge stack of grading and some planning left to do, and I have hardly done anything since I got home. It's just such an intimidating amount of work to get started on. I wanted to have a rule of no work after 9 PM, but that is looking less and less likely. Less blogging, more grading. That's what I need.

It depresses the hell out of me to think about how cool math is. Because I wish my students could see that. Because I can't do enough to make them see that. Because I make math boring. Because these kids will never see the beauty in that.

After school today I saw a senior, the brother of one of my algebra I students. I asked him why I was not seeing his name on the superintendent's list, and he proceded to tell me about his different classes, the trouble that he had been having in his calculus class before his new teacher arrived. I asked him what they were doing now, and he gave me a reasonable explanation of finding maximum area of boxes that had polynomials as their sides. Damn the boxes though, the mathematics itself is beautiful.

But in a five minute walk down the hall, I explained anti-derivatives to the kid. Just taking a derivative backwards. He told me the antiderivative of 2x was x^2. Good, but what is the derivative of x^2 + 1? 2x. So what is the anti-derivative of 2x? It could be two x squared plus any number.

Just that small leap of inference was beautiful. I would kill to teach that calculus class. But it also kills me to think of these kids trying to find the maxima and minima of functions. Even if you had just a cubic function, taking the derivative is easy. But setting the resulting quadratic to zero and solving it? In eight grade, I ate solving quadratics problems. Bam, boom, negativebplusorminusthesquarerootofbsquaredminusfouracallovertwoa. Give me another. I just feel terrible, like I am not preparoing my kids for this at all. KW could do it in three years, maybe even two. But the rest of them? If QR ever cared about anything. Maybe CH. And maybe MR. But almost all of them are smart enough to be able to do it. With the exception of, perhaps, 3 students, all of my students are at a level of intelligence equal to or above my high school calc class. If they were born in the berkshires, about half of my kids would take calculus.

Math has always seemed easy to me. This hsa been, certainly, an impediment to teaching it. When I get out of here, it might be really nice to have the opportunity to teach kids for whom math is easy. I know, at that point, that I wouldn't really be making a difference, but it would be fun. I'd love to take the top fifth and sixth graders, take them through a program that would get them from algebra I through calc in ninth grade. That is so possible for so many kids. Right now, I could take KW from algebra I through calc by the end of her junior year. But I hope she leaves. She needs to be at the math and science academy. Just like most of my kids, she needs to be anywhere but here.

Today, I had three students stay after school for help. Well, actually two students stayed after school for extra help and I made another stay for detention. BA told me that tomorrow he is going to bring drinks for after school, and FJ, after running up and down the hallway in search of a poster, came by even though he is not in need of any real math help. "Lemme do some o' that matrix stuff." he said, meaning the matrix multiplication he had witnessed me helping algebra II students with the week before. FH, in response to the traditional detention question of whether you will chose to sit quietly or to do math, said "Give me some of them fractions. I used to hate them, before you explained them to me." She got her fractions, plus a small dose of series. FJ multiplied some matrices. And BA graphed some functions. Then, though, as we were leaving the building, I gave FJ my phone to call his ride. Then, he asks to borrow my pen. I hand it to him and look back and he is copying something out of my phone. FJ, what are you doing? And then I see that he is, of course, copying down the numbers of one of my female students (if I've called your mom, dad, anty or grandma, your number is in my phone). At first I was so amazed I didn't even say anything, but then, once I did, FJ stopped copying. "Oh, I can get it on my own, I don't need your phone to get numbers. I bet you I can get it on my own, come on, I'll bet you." I just shook my head, held out my hand to get the phone back, and kept on walking.

Getting started on a long night of grading. No, trying to get started on a long night of grading. Failing. I'm failing, at getting my grades in. At staying organized. My kids are failing to learn any math, or to perform on assessments. They will soon be failing the state test.

But tonight, as I was sitting down to try to get something done for the hundredth time, my phone rang. "You know who this is?" "BC" "Yeah, how you doin' Mr. G." "Great. I've got your number in my phone." yeah, I know, I know. You know what time the valentines dance starts tonight?..."

Something about the fact that BC would call me to ask about the valentine's day dance, which I knew nothing about, really made me feel like I was making a difference, making a connections somehow. After he asked about the dance, and I made fun of him for not having any game, he reminded me that he would be coming after school tomorrow for help. It's crazy, but it will take so much effort on my part for Barry to pass, but I want so badly for him to do well. I just can't do it for everyone in there.

I also need to become more productive and stop fearing both grading and lesson planning. I mentally block them out, even if I don't allow myself to do anything else, I often won't begin planning/grading until close to 9 PM, which is terrible and impossible, and a complete waste of my time. If I am only going to spend a few hours doing it, I might as well put in those hours when I get home so I can sleep reasonably well, rather than waste a bunch of time before starting and then not sleep. Oh wait, I'm blogging right now. Good start, that.

Meet FJ. He was in this same room last year, same class, he often tells me, same block. He sits in the front row, talks too much, and has a tendency to curse and think I won't hear him. Lately, he has been one of my after school crew. He wants to be a chef, and his favorite food is spagetti with Velveta melted on top of it in the microwave.

This morning, I saw FJ in the hall with a bloody lip. "What happened F?" "Some boys jumped on me at the bus stop." "You alright?" "Yea, I'll get them later." "No, F, you won't."

FJ has a history with the bus. He's already been suspended from the bus once, I assume for disagreements with the same guys. FJ does not want to fight anyone, but he wants to save face and he wants the harrassment to cease. So he tells me he's going to get those guys. "F, you can't get suspended now, just when you're getting on a roll in my class." "Oh, I ain't fittn to get suspended, we gon' do it in the hood." "No, F, you're not going to do it at all. You're smarter than that." "But Mr. ---------...." "F, come see me after school and we'll talk about why you won't do this."

After school, F shuffles into my room as I am finishing up with a few students. I had momentarily forgotten why he was here, and he sensed my confusion. "You wanted to talk to me." "Yeah F, sit down. You're bus isn't the first one or anything?" "No." I finish dealing with the other students and sit down across from F, searching for something to say to keep him from fighting, when I know, had I been in his shoes, I would have wanted to fight as well. But he saves me the trouble and starts the conversation.

I been thinkin about what you said. And the reason we came down here from Memphis was so I wouldn't be gettin in no more of this trouble. I don't want to have to go and tell my mom I been fighting. It just about might braek her heart.

Pause.

So, I got something that'll work for me and work for you. The only way I can do this is if when my bus comes they see you pulling me away from the bus. I can't just not get on the bus, but if you're pulling me away, just by the arm, then there's nothin I can do.

Pause.

I ride bus 127.

Ok F, so when you go over to get on the bus, I'll come after you and grab you and keep you from getting on the bus?

Right.

So, I went along with F's plan. I waited among a crowd of students for what seemed like ages, watching the bus numbers, and watching F watch me from across the lawn. I didn't need to worry about missing the bus though, because as soon as I saw it, G, who draws cartoons of me and is a very likeable, if dorky, guy, came up to me and said "F says the bus is here." I got a little closer, waited for the bus to pull up, and as the first kids started boarding I called out "F. F!" He looked up at me and headed toward the bus. G was jogging along beside me, telling me something I couldn't understand. I grabbed F by the arm. "Come on F. Let's go." He tries to pull away, and his eyes shine with anger. Had he sent G to tell me that he'd changed his minded and wanted to get on the bus after all? "Let me go man!" "No, F, come on. Let's go." Scattered shouts of "That man gotta get on the bus" and "How you gonna keep that man from gettin on his bus" echo around me.

We turn the corner back towards the school and, out of sight, I let go of F's arm. Another kid comes up behind us. "Hey, go back out there with the buses." He ignores me and starts talking to F. "That's aight, we'll get 'em tomorrow." "No" I say, "you won't get them tomorrow. It's over." The kid looks at me, then at F. "Cuz," says F, in that peculiar rythem that he has "i'll explain it all to you when we get home." and as a side note, to me, "This my cousin."

"Call your mom, F" I say as I pass him my phone. He puts in his number, and his mom's name shows up. He stopped being surprised about that a long time ago. "You ever consider acting?" "No, I never did think about that."

After F gets off the phone, as we continue to walk down the breezeway, F says "you know, I think I really could use a father figure in my life." I just shake my head "I'm way to young for that F." "oh, yeah, I didn't mean you, I just mean I think it would be good for me to have, you know, a guy at home to look up to and all that."

F, at 15, has diagnosed half of his own problem, and the probably the single biggest problem in the Delta. But at least today, he didn't fight.

I haven't lately been given to eloquent blog postings, and this one will be no different. I promise, though, one of these days, I'll sit down and write something that might approach a thoughtful, or at least coherent, piece of prose. Until then, settle for snippets.

I think that my kids might have actually learned something. I've had them for 98 minutes a day, every day, since August seventh. I don't feel like doing the calculations, but even with the 5 or six days that I have been 'sick', the number of minutes I've spent "teaching" these kids is extreme. But finally, I am starting to see small glimpses of accomplishment. I just wanted to blog about it now before it disappears tomorrow.

Other things of note:
1. Kids have been staying after school, which is good. More need to stay after school, or some seniors will not graduate. How they get to this point and know nothing is beyond me.

2. I'm planning on implementing a long-term competive group sort of scenario in my algebra II class. Sit them in groups, give them points for everything, including attendence, quiz and test grades, homework, participation, and discipline. Anyone have any suggestions on this? Tried it before? Failed miserably? Had some success?

3. There was a third... Nope, completely forgot. State test is coming up quick. To be honest, I would be really happy if I got 80% to pass.

4. Oh, I remembered what was supposed to be #3. I have a student in Algebra II who can't solve 3x - 2 = 4. Even after we spent an hour going over this sort of thing after school. He never passed the algebra I state test. And he doesn't have a chance of passing my class. How can I grade him on the same scale that I grade everyone else, when his skill set is obviously so much less well suited to algebra than that of everyone else in the class? When I give a test on systems of equations and compositon of functions, and he just writes things that don't make any sense? This kid needs an IEP, but because expectations are so low for everyone else, he has managed to somehow pass everything up to algebra II, without knowing anything. What do I do with this kid?

I was all set to skip school tomorrow - call in sick and try to get caught up, but then I realized that my kids actually need me to be there tomorrow. They made plans to stay after school, because I told them they needed to, and if I don't show up, I'll never get them to come back again. So I have to go to school. So what if I didn't grade the binders, and if I didn't get the chance to, or rather couldn't bring myself to make some solid lesson plans for tomorrow. It's better that I go in there and wing it then if I just skip out altogether. It was a strange epiphany, though, that the kids actually rely on me.

One goal for next year - I need to keep on on grading and make my grading system more transparent.

On Friday, I held detention. After skipping twice and getting written up, BC finally showed up. Since he had cut class that day, he had to make up his quiz, which he did fairly well on. The great thing was that he couldn't even cheat. It was a good afternoon overall - I had two other students stay for a little extra help, with one of them telling me he had never been this crunk over math before.

Of course, I had to take BC home. Since it was my last soccer game of the season, I convinced him, with a little help from his sister, to come to watch the game. Now, BC and I have known each other all year long - he's in my homeroom class, which is relatively small, and we get on pretty well, despite the fact that he plays a lot and likes to cut class. He's certainly a likeable guy; every girl in the hallway he says "Hey friend." He's six foot two, skinny, hangs out with the kids who think they're thugs, but is a bit more respectful, and a little goofier.

Anyway, we head from his house back to the game, and I'm starved, so we stop at Subway. He says, can't I just wait in the truck, and I tell him, no, not if you want to eat. So we go in, and I ask him what he wants. There's a bit of a line in the place, a pregnant young woman and another with a list that makes me think she's ordering for a construction crew, so he has plenty of time to think about it. Just get me something you think I'll like.

What do you want BC?
You know me, just get me something you think I'd like.

And then the lightbulb goes off. He's never been to Subway before. He's never been to anywhere like Subway before. This kid has lived his whole life in the hood.

What vegetables do you want on it?
Aww, you know.

I ended up just getting him the same thing I got. I made him pick out his own bag of chips though. I like this kid a lot. I'd love it if he came out for the soccer team next year. I'd love it even more if he passed something this year. Especially if he passes my class, which would mean he had actually learned something. I would really love to take him somewhere, anywhere, really, but the Delta. He'd be a fun kid to take on a road trip, back up to Massachusetts or something. I can't even begin to imagine the things I'd learn if I spent a few days on the highway with BC. I wonder what he would think if I took him home with me, what he'd think of my hometown, my house, the woods, the mountains. What he'd think about my family. Most likely, I'll never figure out these things, but maybe next year, when I'm ready to leave, and he's (hopefully) about to graduate, I'll call up his mom and say, listen, I want to take Barry on a little trip. I'll bring him back safe.

It just kills me how little these kids know about anything outside the Delta. If there is only one place you're ever going to go in your life, that's bad enough, but if that one place is the Delta, probably the single most backwards plot of earth in the country, then that's really something else. My experience with BC isn't a singular one - another teacher took a student out to eat who didn't know what mozzarella sticks were, and kept asking how much a glass of water cost. These kids have such limited experience, rich, I'm sure, but extremely narrow. Every once in a while I ask myself, who am I to judge that a broader base of experience would be better? Still, I'd take BC cross-country with me in an instant.

You can't teach (well) without sleeping. And yet, you can't teach well in a small enough number of hours to allow for sleep. I wish I had a person who would do all my lesson planning for me. I mean, really, DD, RC and I, as a house, could hire a fourth person (welcome back Stu?) to do all our lesson planning for us. He could also cook us meals when we got home from our exhausting days at work, and maybe try to keep the kitchen clean and ant-free. Really, if there are any volunteers out there, we'd probably give you free rent and a small stipend. Sorry, no health insurance.

Duties:
Plan interesting, alligned, and engaging lessons for algebra I, algebra II, english II and english III.
Cook 3-4 healthy, gluten-free meals a week.
Keep the kitchen reasonably clean.

We're accepting applications starting immediately.